So in response to what I mentioned last week, what girls could do in relation to a man who won’t commit and whose interest is to sleep around, here I am writing about this.
If you are attracted to a man who, at least for this moment of his life, wants to just have sex, no interest in a relationship, you need to see what you want from this point on. If, like him, you also want to just have fun, hook-ups and stuff, you two are on the same page. Fine.
If you want a relationship out of this, then, there is a few things to consider:
1) What attracts me to him?
2) Am I being honest with myself with regards to what my attraction is about? Are they mainly superficial things?
3) Amongst the things that attract me to this guy, are there things that are deep/meaningful to make this last for real?
THE REAL THING
It may well be the case that you are attracted to this person out of placing a great importance on the reasons below:
4) Physical beauty;
5) Success in life, work, personal projects;
6) Sexy, confident personality;
While it is not totally wrong to be attracted to someone because of the examples above, when they have the right balance, too much weight on them does not help. Things you need to focus are:
a) Humility (the true confidence);
b) Thoughtfulness (someone who cares for others will probably care for you);
c) Patience (this helps if you want to go far on this journey called relationship);
d) Nothing is bad (that person who keeps a steady mood, always happy to work, to help, to make life happen);
e) Hard worker;
f) Thankful (to God, other people);
g) Has goals (in life, at work, wants to be somewhere at a certain time/stage of life);
While this is not intended to be exhaustive, it is intended to help. No one needs to have all of the above but a few of them will help. If you balance the points under THE REAL THING with the ones immediately above, you are more likely to be attracted to another type of person or handle your attraction better.
THE SETTING OF OUR HEARTS
I know very well that we are not attracted to other people purely by logic/reason. We do not choose “points/topics” by which we will feel attracted to someone, they are just there, deep in us, many times regardless of even what we think, nearly, at times, disagreeing with ourselves, a fight between our thoughts and our feelings. FEELINGS WIN!
Well, having said that, being changed from someone who likes the “wrong” people takes time. Here are a few good things you can do to start this process:
1) Get a good friend(s) of yours and open up;
Ie: Look, I like this guy because of reasons ABC, XYZ. Even if you sound like an idiot or as having a great “taste” open up. By a good friend I mean someone you totally trust, a person that believes in the best of you even when you fail and disappoint, a friend who is there to pick you up, who believes in you and corrects you with love.
2) Read the letters Paul wrote, they basically say that God loves you deeply. What does this have to do with the topic here? God’s love towards people gives us identity. It helps you accept yourself the way you are, with the strengths and weaknesses you have. On the days you really fail in life, underperform at work, crash your car, when you feel struck on the inside, that you are not good enough, KNOW that he loves you and finds you great. Even when you SIN, when you mess up totally, big time, KNOW that he is WOWED at you, he adores you at your worst. As this absolute truth invades your understanding, you start reacting better to these moments.
You will find that opening up, totally, honestly, with a friend who fears God and being, after this, accepted, will hit the structures of yourself inside. The more you understand that you are worth it, even when you fail with your worst mistakes, the more this will knock down those deep structures of the “who you are”. These structures are the result of all the love and value (or lack of it) you absorbed from your parents or the figures of authority in your life in your upbringing, pains, successes, failures, etc.
Over time this shift will start affecting what attracts you to other people (your preferences in general), because the “who you are” started being changed before. Then the points I mentioned at the top, things that will create a lasting relationship, will make sense naturally.
These are some of the things a woman can do.