WOMEN AND THE MEN THEY LIKE WHO JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX, NO RELATIONSHIP.

So in response to what I mentioned last week, what girls could do in relation to a man who won’t commit and whose interest is to sleep around, here I am writing about this.

If you are attracted to a man who, at least for this moment of his life, wants to just have sex, no interest in a relationship, you need to see what you want from this point on. If, like him, you also want to just have fun, hook-ups and stuff, you two are on the same page. Fine.

If you want a relationship out of this, then, there is a few things to consider:

1) What attracts me to him?
2) Am I being honest with myself with regards to what my attraction is about? Are they mainly superficial things?
3) Amongst the things that attract me to this guy, are there things that are deep/meaningful to make this last for real?

THE REAL THING

It may well be the case that you are attracted to this person out of placing a great importance on the reasons below:

1) Popularity;
2) Position/power;
3) Money;
4) Physical beauty;
5) Success in life, work, personal projects;
6) Sexy, confident personality;

While it is not totally wrong to be attracted to someone because of the examples above, when they have the right balance, too much weight on them does not help. Things you need to focus are:

a) Humility (the true confidence);
b) Thoughtfulness (someone who cares for others will probably care for you);
c) Patience (this helps if you want to go far on this journey called relationship);
d) Nothing is bad (that person who keeps a steady mood, always happy to work, to help, to make life happen);
e) Hard worker;
f) Thankful (to God, other people);
g) Has goals (in life, at work, wants to be somewhere at a certain time/stage of life);

While this is not intended to be exhaustive, it is intended to help. No one needs to have all of the above but a few of them will help. If you balance the points under THE REAL THING with the ones immediately above, you are more likely to be attracted to another type of person or handle your attraction better.

THE SETTING OF OUR HEARTS

I know very well that we are not attracted to other people purely by logic/reason. We do not choose “points/topics” by which we will feel attracted to someone, they are just there, deep in us, many times regardless of even what we think, nearly, at times, disagreeing with ourselves, a fight between our thoughts and our feelings. FEELINGS WIN!

Well, having said that, being changed from someone who likes the “wrong” people takes time. Here are a few good things you can do to start this process:

1) Get a good friend(s) of yours and open up;
Ie: Look, I like this guy because of reasons ABC, XYZ. Even if you sound like an idiot or as having a great “taste” open up. By a good friend I mean someone you totally trust, a person that believes in the best of you even when you fail and disappoint, a friend who is there to pick you up, who believes in you and corrects you with love.

2) Read the letters Paul wrote, they basically say that God loves you deeply. What does this have to do with the topic here? God’s love towards people gives us identity. It helps you accept yourself the way you are, with the strengths and weaknesses you have. On the days you really fail in life, underperform at work, crash your car, when you feel struck on the inside, that you are not good enough, KNOW that he loves you and finds you great. Even when you SIN, when you mess up totally, big time, KNOW that he is WOWED at you, he adores you at your worst. As this absolute truth invades your understanding, you start reacting better to these moments.

You will find that opening up, totally, honestly, with a friend who fears God and being, after this, accepted, will hit the structures of yourself inside. The more you understand that you are worth it, even when you fail with your worst mistakes, the more this will knock down those deep structures of the “who you are”. These structures are the result of all the love and value (or lack of it) you absorbed from your parents or the figures of authority in your life in your upbringing, pains, successes, failures, etc.

Over time this shift will start affecting what attracts you to other people (your preferences in general), because the “who you are” started being changed before. Then the points I mentioned at the top, things that will create a lasting relationship, will make sense naturally.

These are some of the things a woman can do.

Dear love ….ps I love you

This post below is just a great one. Dating Dilemma.

Datingdilemma

Dear love

I wasn’t a strong believer in love before I met you, perhaps it’s because I have never been in love before. Love to me is special, meaningful and means the world to me. However it’s difficult and takes hard work and care maybe even nurturing so it grows and stays happy.
Meeting the one you love only happens one in a million times, by this I mean someone you care unconditionally for and connect with in so many levels.

It’s fear that made us argue and the unknown that made me snap at you. I know now that you are the best part of me and I’m the best part of you and together we are at our best.

Love makes you weak as when you are apart you become half a person, half a heart and half of happiness. Together we can achieve so much and I…

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Why some men just pick-up women and do not want to commit

I guess for some of us men this could be easier to understand as this is a topic about a man’s attitude, whereas for the girls, it could be another story being able to get a grasp of this.

So, some guys just want a bit of sex and that’s it, why? Why won’t he commit to me since we seem to work together? I am in love with him but he just doesn’t care?

There are a few good reasons for this to happen and a few good things a girl could do about it and that we, men, could do too.

Reasons

1) It may be the case that the guy could be picking-up women as a means of getting “affirmation”, value. That he is good enough. I have done that a lot for a few years because having lots of girls made me feel successful as a man, accepted, finally, good enough, temporarily though.

2) Pure chemical addiction. This one is similar to the above, in terms of its roots (lack of value) but it happened when I was much deeper into my sex addiction. I had grown up so hurt by my family issues, with a low self-esteem, so profound, that I just started needing more “drugs”. This was when I was really down there!

3) A friend of mine, a while ago, was just picking-up women. He had come out of a long-term relationship and just wanted some time to relax and enjoy life.

4) A few bad experiences in dating girls can also lead to that. It is again another form of emotional hurt and, as a consequence, you (the man) get “disappointed” and end up putting all girls into one bag called “superficial bag”.

There can be more reasons, naturally, but the idea here is to give an idea of a few of them.

In the next post we will mention what girls can do about it.

The Blind Man

Below I copied an excerpt from the book of Luke, chapter 18:

Parable of the Pharisee and Tax Collector

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: 10 “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[b]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ 14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

This is the very story of my life. After over 15 years of a deep, strong sex addiction, I have been set free. From this deep experience I would like to help others through my own experience, the experience of some great people I met on my way, what they taught me and your opinion as well. Comments from other people can make this much richer, thus, feel welcome to share your thoughts here.

A man's life, dreams, work challenges, struggles and how to overcome life dominating issues